Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dirty Jersey

I have now officially lived in New Jersey for over a year. I have a New Jersey driver's license and Jersey plates on my car. One of the funniest things about living here is when I meet new people and tell them that I moved to Jersey. Everyone assumes that if you're in Jersey your from Jersey. When I share that I chose to come to New Jersey, the most commonly asked question is why. It's understandable as Jersey has the reputation for being the armpit of America. I figured its about time I reflected back on my time in Jersey to give it a fair evaluation.

Things I Hate About Jersey:

Air Quality Alerts - Checking the weather on my phone and receiving a large red warning that I'm not going to be able to breath basically every day throughout the summer is not funny.

NJ Drivers - Possibly the worst drivers ever.  First, the left lane is the PASSING lane, not the I'm going under the speed limit lane.  Second, the road lines are not there so that you can pretend that you are in a pac-man game and take up 2 lanes.  Lastly, the Jersey slide where you merge across 4 lanes of traffic in under 5 seconds is not a driving technique.

The Jersey Shore - I hate this show.  I have actually (proudly) never watched an episode.  They are glorifying stupidity.

The Fist Pump - This is not a valid dance move, nor does it make you look cool.

Things I Like About Jersey:

Gas Stations - They pump your gas.  Year round.  No standing out freezing in the cold or smelling disgustingly of gas for the rest of the day AND its still cheaper than any other surrounding states.

The PATH - Being able to get into NYC so easily is awesome.  It makes tons of fun very accessible, especially for seeing people like Ang and Mofo.

The Jersey Shore - The actual coast.  I love that the beach is close enough that I can go even when I only have a day.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

December Wish List

November is over. I cannot believe that there is only 1 month left in 2010. Traditionally wish lists at this time of year are for Santa, but I have a few goals I would like to accomplish on my own. So to follow Anna's lead, I figured if wrote down my end of the year plans I might be more likely to achieve them:

Sign Up for a BLS class - I have now officially allowed my certification to run out and have been meaning to renew it since the summer (BLS = Basic Life Support AKA CPR).

Complete a JAAPA CME - I need to get on top of my continuing education credits for my Physician Assistant certification. There is a medical journal that offers online quizzes after reading it for credits.  It's pretty simple and I've been meaning to start this since the summer as well.

Send My Sister Oreo Balls - Alexa (one of my PA friends) has a delicious oreo cookie recipe that I think would be perfect to brighten up Karin's first finals crunch time.

Loose 5 Pounds - My eating habits lately have been pretty lax and I have an awesome little black New Year's Eve dress.

Get Skiing - I have it on good intel that Santa Claus is bring me new skis if I'm good. This leaves only a small time window of the last week in the month to go skiing, but I'm confident I can get it done.

See the Nutcracker - Tickets are already bought for the NYC Ballet's Nutcracker, but I would also like to see the performance by the kids at the ballet school where I've been taking classes.

Try a Slow-Cooker Dessert - I bought a slow-cooker cookbook over a month ago and am very intrigued by the dessert section. Christmas seems like the perfect time to try this out.

Spend TIme with Family - I have the last week in December off so this should be easy, but it seemed important to write it down since (other than Thanksgiving) I haven't seen my family much since our summer vacation.

Hopefully, I'll be able to accomplish all these things before 2011 hits. Anyone else have big plans for the end of the year?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Scary Single Stories

So this weekend I returned to NEPA (Northeastern PA) to attend a benefit for a friend with lymphoma. (The benefit went really well and he is officially in remission so there was lots to celebrate.) I was there less than 24 hours, but no worries all of the creepers in the greater Wilkes-Barre area were notified of my arrival. I would like to give you 3 examples of why I have left that area. These are perfect illustrations of how not to pick up a girl and/or of knowing when to quit.

Exhibit A - It was very crowded at this establishment and moving from place to place was a little cozy. In trying to get through the crowd, I had to pass by this rather chubby man. I only remark on his weight to point out that he protruded quite a bit into my walkway. The first time I passed him he stated that it was ok if I were to rub up on him. Yuk. The second time I was instructed that I should give him some love. The third time I was informed we would be dating if we met like this again. Needless to say I avoided him for the rest of the evening.

Exhibit B - I see my friend Kate (from high school) few and far between so when we are together we are constantly catching up on each other lives. We were involved in a in-depth conversation away from all the action of the bar when a lone soldier (aka helpless idiot) came up to us.  He nicely started some small talk, such as where are you from, what do you do, etc.  Unfortunately Kate was in the middle of telling me a story, which is exactly what we told this guy and then continued talking to each other.  Apparently this did not deter him as he promptly interrupted again.  This continued for about 5 minutes until we bluntly told him to go away as we were considering lesbianism.

Exhibit C (the Creepiest) - Approximately 15 minutes after Exhibit B ended, another guy approached us. Kate had finished telling me the aforementioned story, so we were more willing to consider his interruption. He opened with, "So I heard you guys are from New York and New Jersey." We confirmed this then asked if the other guy was his friend; did he tell you this. He said no. He had literally just heard us. As in he had been listening to our conversation the entire time. After this we stood up and left the area.

Jersey (so far) is not as crude or scary as NEPA was this evening. I am considering wearing a fake wedding ring out next time I am in that area.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I am not a parent. And these are really more personal gripes than anything. But I deal with ridiculous parents and children on a daily basis (and my teenagers have been especially bad recently), so I need to vent. Hopefully, someone will be able to benefit a little from my ramblings.

Children are like pets. They need to be taught right from wrong. This is not accomplished by kindly explaining to a child (any age 2-20) what was wrong about their actions. What they learn from this scenario is: I have to listen to my mom ramble for a few minutes then I can go back to doing exactly what I want to do. They need to be punished. They need to be put in a corner. They need to have their toys or cell phones or televisions taken away. This way they learn when I do something wrong I suffer. I promise you that no one will call DYFS (Dept. of Youth and Family Services) on you for doing this.  This should start very young, because (I promise you) if it doesn't I will be taking care of your pregnant or drugged or expelled teen later.

Again, I am not a parent. However, I do have the sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll talk with any kid over 13 at least once a day. I am going to be very practiced when it really is my turn to talk about it. I can also assure you that the time to talk about sex and drugs with your child does not start at 13. It starts at 1. Children need to know that you are in charge and there are consequences (to them) when your rules are not followed. This will set them up to understand that there are consequences for all their actions. Teenagers, in particular, tend to develop what I like to call the invincibility complex. It is an age of feeling like no matter what you do, nothing bad will happen. This is not true (obviously). A child with a  background of consequential punishments will be much more likely to grasp that sex without a condom equals pregnancy or smoking pot equals failing your drug test. The second part to this is you also must talk to them. As embarrassing as it may be from you to say "gonorrhea" in front of your son/daughter, it will be far worse for them. Suck it up and don't be scared of your teenager. Whether or not you think you had an impact, they will think of your talk before saying yes to drugs. For the record, this does not mean they will say no. It does mean that odds are good that they will talk with you about it either before or after making their decision.

For those who wanted a glimpse into my daily doctoring life: welcome. Currently it is not so glamorous. I am the "mother" of multiple pregnant, expelled, or drugged up teens. I am also a hypocrite. I am very comfortable with this. I tell all my patients to never smoke, to wait until they are 21 to drink, and that they should be thinking of marriage and children when they have sex.

To all my friends - please punish your existing and future children. Come be a hypocrite with me. They will love you for it when they make it to 20.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Drunk Kids are Bullies

I know I already stated this in my first post, but I feel that due to the events of my Saturday it needs to be reiterated.  My car got beat up in a bar fight.

To start at the beginning, my brother is living with me right now so I've been watching alot of football this season.  Saturday is college football night and we were home flipping between 4 different games.  In an effort to be social and expand our beer options we ventured to a local bar.  This also had the added benefit of being able to watch all 4 games simultaneously. As per the Jersey usual, some macho dude (read: really drunk punk) decided some other guy looked at his girl wrong and preceded to start swinging.  This really effects us none other than some minor commotion as he was kicked out and a little later some flashing lights from the cops being called.  He had apparently tried to continue his rampage in the parking lot.  Just after all of this, we decide to head home.  As I'm walking toward the car, I realize that something looks different-- oh wait, that would be my passenger side mirror dangling next to my car.

Now this is a problem, but it is a small problem in the scheme of life.  It is a car.  My brother and I were not hurt.  Right now my mirror is in a make-shift towel sling hanging out the window, but it gives some character.  Tomorrow morning I'll find out the damages.  Between the police report and the bar owner and my insurance company hopefully I'll only have minimal to pay.

My prescription to you from this story is always remember to keep your catastrophes in perspective. Allow the little things to bring a smile to your face, but never tears of sadness to your eyes because that's when the bullies win.  Remember, today's mishaps are tomorrow's funny stories.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Peer Pressure

Drunk kids are bullies. I was informed last night that I am the last of my college friends to have a blog.  The people who called me will remain anonymous, but they may or may not be living in the DC area and planning a wedding. Basically, they informed me that I suck at life and need to keep in touch better and visit more. All of this I already knew. The visiting more is hard.  Unfortunately, I never seem to have enough weekends in the year to get everywhere I want. However, I have discovered (very recently) that following some of their blogs gives me a little warm fuzzy feeling of college memories and their shiny personalities. Perhaps I could venture into the scary blog world as apparently they are interested in what is going on in my life. I assure you, it is not as intriguing or luxurious as you think.  

Kristin's Blog Rules:
1. I make no promises on how often I will post. Just ask my college roommate, I have always written as little as I could get away with. 
2. While I am a stickler for correct spelling, I am not an English major. I make no promises on my grammar. I will end sentences with prepositions.
3. I have no original ideas, therefore I will steal from others blog posts.

To those attempting to read my posts or follow me - good luck. Feel free to give helpful suggestions as I am a blog virgin and rather computer illiterate.  Most importantly, I hope my posts make you smile.