Thursday, October 21, 2010


I am not a parent. And these are really more personal gripes than anything. But I deal with ridiculous parents and children on a daily basis (and my teenagers have been especially bad recently), so I need to vent. Hopefully, someone will be able to benefit a little from my ramblings.

Children are like pets. They need to be taught right from wrong. This is not accomplished by kindly explaining to a child (any age 2-20) what was wrong about their actions. What they learn from this scenario is: I have to listen to my mom ramble for a few minutes then I can go back to doing exactly what I want to do. They need to be punished. They need to be put in a corner. They need to have their toys or cell phones or televisions taken away. This way they learn when I do something wrong I suffer. I promise you that no one will call DYFS (Dept. of Youth and Family Services) on you for doing this.  This should start very young, because (I promise you) if it doesn't I will be taking care of your pregnant or drugged or expelled teen later.

Again, I am not a parent. However, I do have the sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll talk with any kid over 13 at least once a day. I am going to be very practiced when it really is my turn to talk about it. I can also assure you that the time to talk about sex and drugs with your child does not start at 13. It starts at 1. Children need to know that you are in charge and there are consequences (to them) when your rules are not followed. This will set them up to understand that there are consequences for all their actions. Teenagers, in particular, tend to develop what I like to call the invincibility complex. It is an age of feeling like no matter what you do, nothing bad will happen. This is not true (obviously). A child with a  background of consequential punishments will be much more likely to grasp that sex without a condom equals pregnancy or smoking pot equals failing your drug test. The second part to this is you also must talk to them. As embarrassing as it may be from you to say "gonorrhea" in front of your son/daughter, it will be far worse for them. Suck it up and don't be scared of your teenager. Whether or not you think you had an impact, they will think of your talk before saying yes to drugs. For the record, this does not mean they will say no. It does mean that odds are good that they will talk with you about it either before or after making their decision.

For those who wanted a glimpse into my daily doctoring life: welcome. Currently it is not so glamorous. I am the "mother" of multiple pregnant, expelled, or drugged up teens. I am also a hypocrite. I am very comfortable with this. I tell all my patients to never smoke, to wait until they are 21 to drink, and that they should be thinking of marriage and children when they have sex.

To all my friends - please punish your existing and future children. Come be a hypocrite with me. They will love you for it when they make it to 20.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Drunk Kids are Bullies

I know I already stated this in my first post, but I feel that due to the events of my Saturday it needs to be reiterated.  My car got beat up in a bar fight.

To start at the beginning, my brother is living with me right now so I've been watching alot of football this season.  Saturday is college football night and we were home flipping between 4 different games.  In an effort to be social and expand our beer options we ventured to a local bar.  This also had the added benefit of being able to watch all 4 games simultaneously. As per the Jersey usual, some macho dude (read: really drunk punk) decided some other guy looked at his girl wrong and preceded to start swinging.  This really effects us none other than some minor commotion as he was kicked out and a little later some flashing lights from the cops being called.  He had apparently tried to continue his rampage in the parking lot.  Just after all of this, we decide to head home.  As I'm walking toward the car, I realize that something looks different-- oh wait, that would be my passenger side mirror dangling next to my car.

Now this is a problem, but it is a small problem in the scheme of life.  It is a car.  My brother and I were not hurt.  Right now my mirror is in a make-shift towel sling hanging out the window, but it gives some character.  Tomorrow morning I'll find out the damages.  Between the police report and the bar owner and my insurance company hopefully I'll only have minimal to pay.

My prescription to you from this story is always remember to keep your catastrophes in perspective. Allow the little things to bring a smile to your face, but never tears of sadness to your eyes because that's when the bullies win.  Remember, today's mishaps are tomorrow's funny stories.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Peer Pressure

Drunk kids are bullies. I was informed last night that I am the last of my college friends to have a blog.  The people who called me will remain anonymous, but they may or may not be living in the DC area and planning a wedding. Basically, they informed me that I suck at life and need to keep in touch better and visit more. All of this I already knew. The visiting more is hard.  Unfortunately, I never seem to have enough weekends in the year to get everywhere I want. However, I have discovered (very recently) that following some of their blogs gives me a little warm fuzzy feeling of college memories and their shiny personalities. Perhaps I could venture into the scary blog world as apparently they are interested in what is going on in my life. I assure you, it is not as intriguing or luxurious as you think.  

Kristin's Blog Rules:
1. I make no promises on how often I will post. Just ask my college roommate, I have always written as little as I could get away with. 
2. While I am a stickler for correct spelling, I am not an English major. I make no promises on my grammar. I will end sentences with prepositions.
3. I have no original ideas, therefore I will steal from others blog posts.

To those attempting to read my posts or follow me - good luck. Feel free to give helpful suggestions as I am a blog virgin and rather computer illiterate.  Most importantly, I hope my posts make you smile.